Repost: AustraliaGadget Girl by marielwong | Mar 02, 2011 (13:31)- cnetasia.com. Updated Nov 2016
It has been 5 years since I returned back from Melbourne. I must say that changes are aplenty even as I speak. Got married, had 2 wonderful kids and a little reminiscent on my life back there.
Simpler times.
From the subjects of my Masters altering to unbelievable lengths (‘This subject is inapplicable, thank you for applying. Goodbye.’), to the newfound plague at home that comes in the embodied form of a diminutive mouse; Melbourne never seemed more fun. Firstly, my Body Corporation who hence hold me bound to my contract by the following measures.
Stipulation 1– ‘Do not ask thy neighbours of the condition of this area before you move in, therefore, the tenant is contractually bound to accept all forms of creatures that move into the neighbourhood; friendly or menacing in nature.’
Stipulation 2– ‘Under pressure of petition, we will and have chosen to ignore the cries of all tenants alike, hence what makes you more important then them?’
Stipulation 3- ‘A mouse you say? Well, what makes you think that we can do better then to offer tenants healthy suggestions to put wads of cotton soaked with peppermint essence that would promptly scare the wits out of any proper mouse living in this vicinity?’
Stipulation 4– ‘In view of all complaints, from the invasion of the cockroach buddies to the leaking roof fiasco; our Body Corporation would like to extend the following apologies and would like you to note that requests for baits, knives and peppermint essence is no longer applicable. From the 28th of Feb 2011, we are officially broke and would require a 3 months’ deposit from all tenants. Thank you and have a great day ahead’.
Image Source: http://xenophilius.files.wordpress.com/2008/09/800px-computer_mouse_trap.jpg
My issues aside, for the greater good of Melbourne; where as of yesterday, there were many lucky people who received a bountiful amount of money, without having to work for it. Where as seen from our local paper, there is but a sentence that suits this situation to a T.
‘The long arms of the law, will catch up with you’.
As bitter as that might sound, and yes, I did not head out yesterday to massively draw money from all the faulty Commonwealth ATMs around the city, the fact stands. They know who you are, and they will track you down, one by one. Well, at least that’s what the newspapers are pimping it to be. Although, as far as we can see, one things for sure. How can you track someone if the account they are drawing from does not belong to them, or worse, if the camera mounted upon the ATMs are duds? Of course, these are just prepositions and should not be taken seriously, but I would love to read in the newspaper and see the following.
‘Error in ATMs was nothing but a publicity stunt to get more Australians, to buy into the Commonwealth banks’ Unit Trust accounts’.
Which, as we know, is not going to happen. Although, speaking about publicity stunts, as the deadline draws for the launch of the iPad 2 and iPhone 5, what viral marketing would they utilize this time; where ‘Oops, I was too drunk that I left my only prototype of the iPhone 4 in the laps of that pretty girl,’ is not exactly going to work this time. Still, one can but hope that the world is fair, and all the money overdrawn from accounts that don’t belong to these people who profited in yesterday’s fiasco would be safely returned. Mostly, because I am a Commonwealth bank user. If not, I am moving off to another bank and awaiting for the next time a city wide meltdown of all ATMs alike would happen, draw all the cash and say, ‘Ha Ha! In your face!’ Immature I am sure, but hey, tell that to the mouse that has settled into my homely abbot, where despite how vigilant I clean and upkeep this one-bedroom facade of a loving home; it just isn’t enough to make my unwanted guest move out.
To this, I say the world is flat.
Mariel Wong 
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